I guess I always knew brogan was a little different from the time he was a toddler. He was very hard to control but very smart, although he didn't say much until he was around 3. Then, suddenly, his vocab exploded and he was speaking in full sentences using very big words and expressions. I finally figured it out.. My kid was a genius! At three and a half, he started reading. By four, he could read as well as you or I. He was a little wild though, and I remember when he was 3 my sister Paula who works with kids on the spectrum pulled me aside and suggested I have brogan tested for Asperger's. I told her she was crazy! Not my baby.
As he turned 4 and 5, he got along good with other kids. They are all crazy wild at that age. I started to notice what I like to call monotone monologues about random things, but still wasnt sure anything was going on.
As Lily started turning three and four and now five, I started noticing dramatic differences In how she learns and how she's growing up. Last year, as brogan turned 6, I started noticing other boys his age seemed to be growing out of things brogan was still struggling with. Like impulse control, social skills, etc. His monotone monologues seemed to get worse. He becomes obsessed with one topic or another. I started googling, and there it was again: Asperger's. It made sense. Brogan always fleeting. Running home from his 3rd day of kindergarten. Having to hold my hand still to this day in stores. The way he always hums while he plays video games or reads or concentrates. The way he struggles with conversations. The doctors told me that he had ADHD when he was three. Turns out he was Misdiagnosed. How he taught himself to read at four. How addicted he gets to computer and video games, which I've heard is comin for kids on the spectrum.
We requested testing through his school. They basically told me I would have to go through my insurance at a private office because it wasnt affecting him academically. (I knew this was wrong, but I cowered) Even though I had a appointment with a PHD at the children's center who told me what to write in my letter requesting testing. When she found out they wouldn't test his intellectual and speech, which she told me they had to because I requested it, she was livid. Once she called the principal, the school tested him, and I learned my first lesson of being a mom warrior: don't stop til you get what your kid needs. Also, you are the only one who will look out for your child when it comes to school.
After a month of weekly visits with the PHD, he was diagnosed with Autism. The school found that Intellectually, my child is gifted. He has a very high IQ. They also found he needs help with speech, to learn how to better communicate, and social skills. He is enrolled at a social skills group at his school and this summer he will start a social skills group at the children's center. It's a lot of money, but I've learned through my own research that early intervention is key. He struggles at school, and it's hard to keep up with his teacher and hear all the things he does. It has gotten a lot better now that the teachers and administration realize he's not being insubordinate or rude, he's being a kid with autism who needs to be taught things that come naturally to other children. I've also learned a valuable lesson that his IEP is my friend! I've also learned every good day is a gift and the bad days are over before he knows it.
If you spend time with brogan, it's obvious that he's extremely smart. He gets frustrated at times and has a hard time waiting his turn, he may hit or yell, Sometimes he doesn't give people space the way he ought to and he talks ALOT about one subject even if you don't particularly want to talk about it (minecraft computer game, anyone?). I guess in a way he's lucky because he's on the high functioning end of autism though, it's not like some kids where you can "tell" right away something's off, you know?
How all this is on our family:
Brandon and I have blamed ourselves and each other for years. Maybe if we do this differently. Maybe if you did this. Maybe if I didn't do that... Etc. It's different now. Now we know we didn't knowingly cause it. You mean I couldn't just read a book and change his behavior? You mean I didn't cause him not to talk because I had PPD after he was born?! You mean it's not because we fought when he was a baby?! That sort of thing. It really has made is work together. It's changed us, his diagnosis, for the better.
Lillian has unknowingly become a warrior. She defends him. She helps him calm down. I will never forget hearing her when I'm not in the room "calm down buddy you're ok". Don't get it twisted though, she still drives him crazy. She sometimes emulates his behavior which I hear is pretty common but she knows better. That's been a challenge for me, to explain to her brogan struggles but she needs to change her behavior NOW. She's amazing though. She's the ying to his yang. He's lucky to have her.
Well, it feels good to get my thoughts and feelings out. I feel very blessed that we found out when he was still young. I also feel very lucky to be his mother. He brings me so much joy everyday. Every hug and love from him is epic. Every milestone means that much more. I'm also glad we have so much family support. His older cousins teach him every week. They don't know anything but that brogan is thier little cousin and they love him. They don't know it but they are some of his greatest teachers right now. We have great friends and I even have a close friend who is autistic, and she helps me understand it so much more. We have great family here in Utah and my family in Florida supported us every step of the way. My older sister is an amazing resource since she pretty much does this for a living.
I think there's no better way to end this then with the biggest green eyes and grin you've ever seen.
So here's a picture of my sweet boy. It is so Brogan.
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