This is Sort Of Morbid..

It is, you know.. to those who don't know me! LOL. I'm a very morbid person. I watch way to much Law and Order. I have escape plans in my house, I go to kickboxing just in case I have to beat someone down, and I think about death quite often. I'm actually pretty obsessed with it at this point in my life. It all started when, on March 7,2002,my friend Tom and I were bull crapping in social studies. He was so stinking cute and we even dated a little bit. Well later that day he died. I know right?! One hour you can be shooting the breeze with someone, they walk out the door..and a couple of hours later, they're dead. Then my sister's mom, who was a marathon runner and also a vegetarian, was diagnosed with cancer in may and died in august. Then T.J. died of cancer at the age of 23 after only finding out his cancer had returned a few months earlier. Then Amy's baby died -while he was asleep on her chest- of SIDS. I guess this time of year my mind always goes there..

Anyway, the morbid part is that I've been thinking about my own mortality lately. More specifically, the legacy I want to leave behind and the kind of person I want to be. and my funeral.. ah, my funeral.

Now, I've always thought it to be a very catholic one, with 3 days of mourning, complete with an open casket and a wake, viewing, funeral, and burial. Then a feast. Well, then I moved to UT and saw how up beat funerals were and I like that too. So many options!! Being the free spirit that I am I think I'd like to be cremated and have my ashes scattered. And that, my friends, opens up a whole plethora of opportunities. The beach on the Long Island sound, the mountains in UT where I first fell in love with my husband, served on a pizza in my parent's pizza place..so many things to ponder. And I want a bench under a tree in UT where my children could go to feel close to me.

I could say all day and twice on Tuesday what I want after my death. But the truth is I'll be dead and I won't be none the wiser. Brandon could decide to dress me up in a clown suit and say jokes like.."what's funnier then a dead girl? A dead girl in a clown suit.."

Morbid. I know right?!